20 cocky and funny quotes
Here are twenty cocky and funny quotes about women you can
use to tease her a little and make her enjoy time with you.
They are not meant to “make fun” of a woman in a mean
No no, they are only meant to tease her and to show her that
you are confident.
These cocky and funny quotes aren’t going to do you any good
if you just tell them haphazardly; in fact, they are going to
have the opposite effect: make you look as a jackass!
Instead of this, I’m going to provide you with situations
you can use them in and how to get yourself out of troubles
when the woman doesn’t understand one of them.
A warning first: you need to know how to behave and act in a
fun way when saying these quotes, it’s important; in other
words, your body language needs to match your confidence.
And one more quick thing: don’t try to use all of them on
one woman, she will hate you forever!
1.The first cocky and
funny quote about women is by Cindy Crawford:
I found it on the internet some few years ago and I really
Here it is:
“You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs.All
of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just
when you start liking them, they start
I’ve said this one to a woman I was talking to who had huge
breasts and she apparently was very proud of them, I looked at
her eyes, smiled a little and told her this quote, she was a
bit pissed, but then I started teasing her a little, I’ll show
you later a great line to calm a woman down when you’ve gone
too far with your cocky and funny lines.
2.The second cocky quote
to say to a woman is by Marcelene Cox:
“The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping
You can say this one to her when she is highly excited about
buying a thing; usually women get very talkative and annoying
when they want to buy something they like a lot.
When I said this one to my wife lately, she
kept looking at me as if hesitating between slapping me or
laughing at it, that’s what cocky and funny is my friend!
3.The third quote is by
Oscar Wilde, it’s a bit rude, but if said with a nice smile and
to a girl who knows your humor, she will feel pissed but
“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who
insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal
I was being cocky with a girl once by behaving in a
gentleman manner with her, I then stopped her and lifted her
chin with my finger and told her this one, I assure you that
her hand was going right to my face, I run away from her
crying, it was hilarious, I let her caught me and she started
Very funny if you ask me.
4.The fourth one is by a
genius guy I don’t know:
“Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are
like cats. Yell at a cat one time…they’re gone.”
If you’ve been reading my stuff, you must know by now that
I’m not the kindest guy to women usually.
I’m a pain in the azz with them and they like it.
I said this one to a girl I was dating, I didn’t scream at
her but I just pointed some differences between men and
5.The fifth one is by an
unknown person too:
“There are two theories to arguing with a woman.
Neither one works.”
If she talks about something you don’t seem to understand,
say this one to her.
6.The sixth cocky quote
"Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and
talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be
Sometimes you will never know what you did wrong with a
woman, you will be talking at ease and feeling great and
suddenly she will become mad at you for saying something god
knows what it is!!!
I use this quote on those same situations.
7.The seventh funny quote
is by Gilda Radner:
"I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry,
they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be
rescued off of sinking ships."
Just the thought of it is funny.
8.The eight one is by
“I don’t mind paying the bills and being hairy, as long
as I don’t get pregnant, have milk come out from my breasts
and cry when I watch operah”
This one makes any woman go angry and smiling at the same
time; it’s my favorite cocky and funny quote because it’s
9.The ninth one is when
you are arguing with her, when you feel that she is right, tell
her this one and watch out for her reactions:
“Women sleep on the right side of the bed because even
while sleeping they have to be right!”
10.The tenth quote
“There are two ways to make a woman happy and nobody
It’s easy, when you see that nothing makes her happy, tell
her this one.
11.The eleventh funny
quote is by Kathy Lette:
“Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables
I don’t like to use this one as a whole phrase; I prefer to
say to a woman:
“What does monogamy mean? Is it something you make
dining tables out of?! Right?”
Women will want exclusivity of you, they will bring the
subject of men being dogs and that they are cheaters.
You then ask her about the English word for being with one
person because you don’t know it, she will tell you: “monogamy”
and you then tell her the line, it works every time to make her
12.The twelfth one is by
"A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is
Don’t say this one when she is talking about marriage, you
are going to hurt her.
I tend to say it when I see that a man is unhappy in his
relationship with a woman, but to tell you the truth, I’ve
stopped using it since I got into a long-term relationship, it
will hurt her, don’t be cruel.
13.The thirteenth quote is
by Neva Faith Linn:
"People like you are the reason people like me take
When I’m arguing with a woman, I tend to say this one a lot
but with a little variation:
“People like you are the reason why shrinks are
14.The fourteenth cocky
and funny quote I like to use on women is by Salvador
"Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach
This is rude, real rude to say it to a woman ;) but it’s
I’d say it when she is really trying to do something in a
great way; I don’t mean to discourage her, but just to make her
angry a little.
15.The fifteenth one is by
“It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly
Again, funny/cruel stuff to women!!!
But it does work and I’m sure you’d find a lot of occasions
to say it.
“If the world were ruled by women then there would be
no war, just couple of nations not talking with each
I don’t know about this one, I’ve never tried it on a woman,
but I think it would make a funny quote.
17.The seventieth one
A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise
man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when
her lips are closed”
Whenever she is annoying me with her endless talking, I’ll
say it to her and then I’d make this remark: “honey, your mouth
looks stunning when it’s closed”.
I’d usually get a hit in the arm or a cold shoulder
“Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes
want a pickup truck, and end up with a station
This one can be used when she brags about how cute or
beautiful she is.
19.Number nineteen is by
“Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide
their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and
always add at least five years to the age of their best
I’m sure that you’d find a way to add it to your
20.And number twenty is by
Madame Marie du Deffand (what a name!):
“Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves
with their weaknesses”
Whenever you see her trying to appear weak and defenseless,
use this one, she will turn immediately into a demon and chase
you all over the place.
The next thing you need to understand is about getting
yourself out of trouble when the woman you are with cant handle
You use this line: “what! You don’t have a sense of
And that’s it, it will tell her implicitly that you were
trying to make her laugh.
One thing I’d like to add about these cocky and funny quotes
is that they will get you into some serious troubles if you
don’t have the right confidence and body language.